Why are these guys so anxious for commitment?

Hi Lisa, Dear Lisa, /


Published Mar 22, 2013 at 05:00AM / Updated Nov 19, 2013 at 12:31AM

I’ve been online and the couple of men I’ve met (mind you, I’ve had no problem striking up conversations; I look younger than my age) immediately want to be the only one, and want a commitment right then and there.

I try to explain I want to date to meet people. They get mad. What’s the deal here?

— Gena

Gena,

An amazing thing has happened as we’ve aged.

Many women over 50 often just want to play in the dating arena. But men want to settle down and have a great relationship, sharing their life with one woman.

Crazy, isn’t it?

Yes, the players are still out there, but most men over 50 I’ve spoken with truly desire a good committed relationship with ONE woman.

They want nothing more than to please a woman and make her happy.

The problem arises when you and he aren’t on the same dating page.

He feels rejected for putting himself in a vulnerable position of letting you know how he feels.

He doesn’t understand why you would be on a dating site if you weren’t looking for love with one person like he is.

So he gets mad. But he’s really mad at himself for exposing his vulnerability and for misjudging you and your dating intentions.

Most dating sites ask what type of relationship you are looking for, whether it’s a date, a committed relationship or marriage.

Be clear in your profile that you are only looking to date, not mate.

This should help in attracting men who are looking for the same type of connection you want in your life right now.

I’ve been dating quite a few men, but not one has come close to being physically attractive to me. One I decided to have sex with, and even months after being apart from my ex I can’t stop comparing the two in my head. My ex was very well built and I liked his way with me from the first time. Will I ever feel the chemistry with anyone else?

I can’t stand the thought of being with someone I don’t enjoy being physical with. These other men are all able to care for me and I know they’d be able to do so in ways my husband wouldn’t. But I have no interest if they’re not hot and sexually attractive to me. All this from a 50-year-old woman.

Your thoughts?

— Jenna

Jenna,

The type of chemistry you are looking for is actually an exciting drug cocktail your body produces to create an intense rush when you meet someone you’re attracted to.

It’s highly addictive, it feels good and it lasts about 90 days before you see a man for who he really is.

This type of chemistry cannot be sustained, and when the flaws of a man begin showing up, you start questioning what made you get involved with him in the first place.

My advice for when you feel this type of intense rush of chemistry? Run the other way as fast as you can — unless you are looking for a lot of sex and nothing else with a man.

It’s almost impossible to turn what’s happening there into a true relationship.

The best chemistry is one that develops over time and might not start appearing until date three or four. It can build, and it’s the type of chemistry that is sustainable and makes for a great relationship.

That’s why it’s important to give men a chance with more than one date. As you get to know a man and bond with him, he can actually become quite handsome to you.

Now, if hot and sexy is all you want, by all means go for it. Just know that it’s a chemical reaction that will probably end within three months.