If Colorado ever invades Texas, expect a bunch of plaid-clad bird watchers and skiers to bounce across the borders in camouflaged Subarus.
The thrum from all those fearsome flat-four motors should echo all the way to Amarillo, like a big yoga hum rolling across vast prairies.
Consider it payback, I suppose, for decades of drawling Texas developers flattening some of Colorado's 80 kazillion trees.
They may be after our oil and best-looking cattle, not to mention a dozen or so bands from Austin to heat things up back home.
Besides, they'll all be in quietly competent Subarus, the national car of Colorado.
Subies are — or were — the uncars of the auto industry: Delightfully odd, practical, sometimes unattractive and filled with good intentions.
A high proportion of Subaru owners favor bulky tan sweaters, shoes with no socks and Dave Brubeck.
Last year, thanks partly to bland new sedans like the Impreza, Subaru sales jumped to 336,441, an astonishing 26 percent increase.
And I see more big numbers in the all-new, fourth-generation 2014 Subaru Forester 2.5 Touring.
The all-wheel-drive Forester is Subie's small-to-almost-midsize crossover.
The metallic bronze model I had recently looked like three-fourths of an attractive sort-of stationwagon.
Fairly tall and substantial, the Forester's front end appeared to have been borrowed from another vehicle.
Fenders with long overhangs supported a flat, old-school hood and clumsy bumper.
Same old goofy Subie, I thought. But the ungainly sheet metal up front flows into clean, slab sides and a tall roof that looked fresh and almost striking.
Reasonably meaty 22 5/60 tires rode on conventional five-spoke 17-inch wheels, nearly filling its flared, muscular wheel-openings.
Moreover, its black-leather interior offered really good leg- and head-room in back with large windows all the way around for car and people-watching, activities that can be profoundly disturbing in Dallas.
Although burdened with lots of hard plastic surfaces, the interior is well-executed. A big black dashboard dropped down onto a smart center stack, both of which were highly legible.
The stack, in fact, housed an audio-navigation screen that was too small to be a big distraction.
And get this, luxury-car makers: Three simple knobs beneath the navigation screen operated the entire climate-control system.
While the seats felt pretty flat, they included perforated centers and small, stitched bolsters, and they felt pretty good.
In back, the rear seats folded down, opening up nearly 70 cubic feet of cargo space.
Like most major pieces in the interior, the door panels were hard black plastic but sported lightly padded armrests.
My favorite feature in the interior was a nifty, ribbed heavy-duty rubber mat in the rear cargo space, perfect for muddy dogs, wet kids or unruly drunken adults.
The thick mat kind of reinforced Subaru's image as a form-follows-function sort of automaker.
That mostly applies to the Forester's driving dynamics.
Unlike the truly somnambulant Impreza, the Forester gets Subie's slightly larger 2.5-liter four-banger with 170 horsepower and 174-pound-feet of torque.
Granted, 170 horsepower is just barely adequate in a crossover weighing 3,400 pounds.
But it spins a continuously variable transmission, those boring boxes that employ bands on infinitely adjustable pulleys to keep the engine in its peak operating range.
Above 3,000 rpm, CVTs bray like livestock facing into a cold wind.
But they are highly efficient, and in the Forester, the CVT gives it initial jump that belies its modest power. The “transmission” also helps return commendable fuel economy of 24 mpg in the city and 32 on the highway.
Up to about 40 mph, you might think you're running with 200 or so horses under that lackluster hood.
Beyond that, though, the power flattens out, forcing the Forester to stroll to 60 in a leisurely nine seconds, according to Motor Trend.
So is the CVT more efficient than, say, a six-speed automatic? Or is it just cheaper, increasing the relatively thin margins on a $32,000 crossover?
I'm not sure.
Likewise, the steering was hardly sporting but worked quite well.
Relatively quick with just the right amount of boost, it felt good in the real world — though in truth, it didn't provide a lot of road feel.
Head into a moderate-speed corner, and the tall Forester —complete with black roof racks — tended to lean.
In addition, its civilian tires weren't especially happy about being abused.
But the vehicle rarely lost its composure or balance.
Here's a consideration, though: I thought the Forester rode well but firmly, which is fine for us old muscle-heads accustomed to two inches of suspension travel.
Your backside might react differently.
But the Forester I had never reacted harshly to bumps or displayed any wallowy yaw, that side-to-side swaying that afflicts many all-wheel-drive vehicles.
That's fitting. Subarus just tend to be unflappable.
And the Forester can traverse all sorts of terrain in one afternoon and return decent fuel mileage while lugging five people and their stuff.
Plus, in a Subaru, you can listen to Take Five as often as you like without your hick neighbors wondering whether you're some sort of New York bohemian.
2014 Subaru Forester Touring
Base price: $21,995
As tested: $32,220
Type: Five-passenger, all-wheel-drive crossover
Engine: 2.5-liter horizontally opposed four-cylinder with 170 horsepower and 174 pound-feet of torque
Mileage: 24 mpg city, 32 highway