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Dating Coach: Survive singlehood during the holidays

By Lisa Copeland / McClatchy-Tribune News Service
Published: December 21. 2012 4:00AM PST
Being single during the holiday season doesn’t have to be a trying time. Treat yourself to manicures, nights out with friends or even go on a cruise.

Being single during the holiday season doesn’t have to be a trying time. Treat yourself to manicures, nights out with friends or even go on a cruise.
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10 best places to meet someone

The holiday season can feel like some of the loneliest days on the planet. This is a time when it seems like everyone is a couple except YOU. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone in your life by next year? To make that happen, you need to be proactive and creative about meeting men. Here are 10 suggestions to get you started.

1. Sporting goods stores





Men are in there buying themselves running shoes, weights or gym equipment all the time and men love nothing more than giving advice, so to get things started, go up and ask them their opinion on something you are thinking of buying.

2. Friends holiday parties





It’s hard to go to these alone so tag along with one of your single friends. You never know who might show up.

3. Upscale casino





My family and I played the Poker Slots at a local casino during Thanksgiving. I sat at a slot machine and two men sat down next to me. They couldn’t have been nicer or happier to help me when I couldn’t figure out how to change the poker game from Jacks or Better to Deuces Wild. And I was happy to let them!

4. Mall shopping



Even men need to buy gifts for their family over the holidays. Worth checking out. Try the food court, too. Shopping is exhausting so you might find a few men taking a break there.

5. Home Depot or Lowe’s



Men fix things in their homes all the time and often do in their family’s homes as well. See a cute guy minus the ring? Like No. 1 — ask him for advice.

6. Panera



Working out of my home can be isolating, so I’ll often go to Panera and grab some lunch while working. Lots of men do, too. Worth checking out.

7. Grocery store



Single men have to eat and many don’t cook for themselves, so you’ll often find them around the prepared foods section picking out that night’s dinner.

8. Upscale restaurants



I can’t tell you the number of single men I’ve seen dining at the bar on a weeknight. Go for a glass of wine either by yourself or with a friend. Also, check out happy hour.

9. Meet-up.Com



More and more older than 50 groups can be found on Meet-up.com. Also try meet-ups that cater to special interests you have like Scrabble, wine tasting or dining.

10. Your computer



Online dating is the biggest hangout for men our age 24/7. The bonus, you can even do it in your jammies. Free sites like Plenty of Fish offer you the ability to chat with men who are online. It’s a good way to meet men and best of all, it may lead to getting a first date with a really nice guy.
Wherever you are, it’s worth making the effort to speak to any man you come in contact with, whether you’re in line waiting for coffee or at the casino playing the slots.
A man needs encouragement to speak to you, so smile, ask him questions and be appreciative of any help he ends up giving you.
3 ways to fall back in love
Once you took pleasure in your partner’s charms. Now, however, you most likely notice his irksome habits, like leaving banana peels on the armrests. Your problem: an admiration shortage, one that starves your relationship of love and causes you to become overly critical. When you admire your spouse, you bathe your brain in mood-elevating chemicals, leading to a more positive relationship. Here, three ways to rekindle affection and bring back that lovin’ feeling.
1. Celebrate your partner’s successes. When you exclaim, “Wow, that’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you!" instead of “That’s nice— did you take out the trash?" you boost not only your partner’s mood but also your own, shows research from UCLA. Why? Pausing to celebrate his success helps remind you of just how great your partner really is, which gives your feel-good chemicals a lift.
2. Say thanks with a story. Some gestures of thanks can become so rote, they lose meaning. Adding a personal story, however, helps you mentally reinforce Wow, my partner is awesome. It’s the difference between saying, “Thanks for unloading the dishwasher," and “I felt so loved when I saw that you unloaded the dishwasher to make my morning easier."
3. Critique that romantic comedy. Couples who believe that romantic-themed shows are realistic are more likely to think about trading in their partners for shinier models, finds new research. Instead of lusting after the fairy tale, appreciate the stable, simple gestures and conversations that make up the bulk of a relationship.
— McClatchy-Tribune News Service

Holidays are tough for singles especially when you’re older than 50. It seems like everyone out there is a couple or a family celebrating the holidays together. And what’s even harder is they all look so happy.

And you end up feeling like you’re the only one in the world left out of all this holiday cheer.

That’s because we can paint a picture in our head’s of the only way we truly believe our holiday should be — a handsome man at our side as we open our holiday gifts and celebrate the beginning of a new year.

These can be lonely times for you if the only way the holiday season can be meaningful and fun is with a guy in your life.

So this year, if you’re not dating, how about giving yourself a break and see if you can figure out a way to turn those Holiday Blues into Holiday Happiness without a guy in your life.

Here are five ideas to get you started.

No. 1: Pamper yourself

This year, why don’t you ask your family and friends for gifts that are going to allow you to feel pampered — as in massages, manicures, pedicures or facials?

Let someone take care of you for a couple of hours.

And remember you are sexiest and most desirable to a man when you feel good about you and who doesn’t feel great after a soothing massage or a new nail color?

No. 2: Go out with friends

Start by making a list of every single woman you know.

Next, pick up the phone to see if one of them is free to go to a movie or dinner.

I used to have a Single Friends Folder that I could go to whenever I felt like doing an activity but didn’t want to do it alone.

Start your own today and use it now during the holiday season to get yourself out of the house and into the holiday cheer.

No. 3: Blind dating

During this time of year with parties happening everywhere you turn, most of us come in contact with more people than usual.

Choose five friends and ask each one to keep their eyes open for a great single guy they might be able to fix you up with. He could be at their office party or their yoga class.

Remember, friends forget you are single so you need to keep reminding them to always be on the lookout for a great match for you.

No. 4: Book a cruise

It’s nice to have a man in our lives but we can have fun with or without one.

Treat yourself to a winter vacation to give you something to look forward to.

Cruises can be relatively inexpensive these days so what’s your excuse?

OK, you won’t be watching the sunset with a guy but you can be having a good time laughing with your friends and who knows? There might be a great single guy on that ship just waiting to meet you.

No. 5: Get online and look

Men are online 24/7. And you can always find someone to chat with, whether or not you end up dating him.

For fun, try a dating niche site or go on one of the free ones like Plenty of Fish. And yes, there ARE plenty of quality fish for you to choose from on there!

So as you can now hopefully see, while waiting to find Mr. Right, there are still plenty of ways for you to have fun.

Be creative and get the wheels moving in your brain.

Wishing you a great December with lots of happiness and joy in your life!

Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!"

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