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‘This year I will ...’
New Year’s resolutions to help strengthen your family
By Alandra Johnson / The Bulletin
Published: December 26. 2008 4:00AM PSTAny parents out there looking for a New Year’s resolution? Want to find a meaningful goal in the coming year, but looking to try something different than the usual — lose weight, exercise, stop smoking or get out of debt?
This year, why not dedicate effort toward something meaningful and important, and something that, for most of us, anyway, could always use a bit more attention: our families.
We surveyed numerous doctors, psychologists and other professionals who work with families to come up with a list of potential resolutions parents can make that would help strengthen their families and relationships with kids.
A few suggestions take aim at changing the whole family. Doctor Natalie Nevins, a family practice osteopathic physician in California, believes making resolutions as a family makes sense.
“It’s the only way we make any changes,” Nevins said. “When we do it as families, it works.”
So take a look at the list below and consider whether you want to add them to your list of resolutions.
Specific actions
• Eat dinner together as a family. Giesela Grumbach, a family life educator with the University of Illinois Extension, says eating together as a family — with the TV turned off — is a “way for conversation to happen naturally.” Eating together is also associated with lower childhood obesity, according to Grumbach.
• Hold a family night on a regular basis. Rent a movie, make popcorn or play board games and eat tacos. Start off hosting a family night once a month, then increase to every other week.
• Start a 529 college savings account. No matter the age of the child, it is not too late to start saving using one of these accounts. A new Web site, the Freshman Fund (www.freshman fund.com), allows relatives to easily make contributions to an existing 529 account and guides parents as to how to establish one.
• Meet with your child’s teacher (or teachers). Or, if you can’t make a meeting, send an e-mail. Reaching out to teachers and helping create a bond is a great way to share information about your child’s education.
• Limit use of technology during certain times. Cris Rowan, who advocates for families to decrease their use of technology, suggests families create specific times when technology (including BlackBerry and cell phone use) is off-limits, perhaps during dinner time, the hour before bedtime or while riding in the car.
• Read together every day. Reading together helps young children develop language skills. Stress management expert Debbie Mandel recommends parents start a reading or book club with their kids. Nick Friedman, the editor in chief for Scholastic Parent & Child, says the approach works for many ages: parents foster closeness with infants and encourage literacy by reading, while even ’tweens still enjoy being read to.
• Commit to spending one-on-one time with each child. “It’s a very good way of connecting and checking in,” said Grumbach. And for parents that have more than one child, dedicating time to each one, individually, is the best way to do this. She says parents can start off with small goals, say one hour each week, and then build from there.
• Attend a parenting class, workshop or join a club for parents. Networking with parents and sharing information can be immensely valuable, according to Grumbach.
• Eat a piece of fruit each day. The ultimate goal is for families to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet, according to Nevins. But getting there can be tricky. That’s why she suggests families start with simple steps, like asking each family to member to eat one piece of fruit each day.
• Plan activities as a family. Nobody wants to hear the word exercise, according to Nevins. Instead, parents and kids can do fun activities to bring them together a few times a week. She suggests going for walks, playing ball and hiking.
• Get enough sleep, parents and kids alike. Sleep affects so much of daily life. Most children require nine to 10 hours of sleep each night and Nevins thinks parents need to make sure it’s a priority.
• Start a gratitude journal. This is an activity parents and children can do together. At the end of each day, family members would write down five things they are grateful for, according to Loren Gelberg-Goff, a marriage counselor in New Jersey. She believes it helps people focus attention and energy on the good things in life.
Broad goals
• Laugh more. “Learning to see the lighter side of life can save you sanity,” said Friedman. Acting silly with kids is a great way to impart this wisdom to little ones.
• Work to control angry outbursts. Anger is a tough issue in many families, but it is something parents can try to improve. Gelberg-Goff suggests parents stop and take a breath before reacting. Friedman agrees, saying, “When you feel you’re about to lose it — and maybe say something you might regret — consider whether you’re the one who needs the time out.”
• Focus on listening. Parents can learn a lot about children by listening and asking questions. Children will feel closer to their parents and feel heard if parents take the time to listen.
• Remember to enjoy each other. Having fun together as a family is tremendously valuable and rewarding. Even when times are hard, parents can try to focus on the good, positive aspects of family life.
• Let go of some decisions involving older children. Psychologist Debi Yohn thinks parents should resolve to “allow high school age and college age children to experience their own successes and failures.” This includes material things parents may want to provide for kids.
• Get to know kids’ friends. Ask questions about and meet children’s friends.
• Keep open communication with kids. Sometimes, parents want to get to the bottom line of an issue and shut down the conversation, according to Grumbach. They say: “That’s enough of that.” This approach can make kids feel they are not being heard.
• Monitor kids’ after-school time. The hours between 3 and 6 p.m. are when kids are “more likely to try risky behaviors and likely to get into trouble,” according to Grumbach. So parents may want to take a look at ensuring their children are adequately supervised during those times. Maybe it means signing youngsters up for activities or even asking a neighbor or friend to stop by the house on occasion.
Alandra Johnson can be reached at 541-617-7860 or at ajohnson@bendbulletin.com.
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