The Bulletin, Bend / Central Oregon News
FEBRUARY 09, 2010 04:24 PM
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From left, Aaron Chrystal, 9, Isabella Miller, 9, Melia Dodge, 9, and September James, 8, know what experts say; family humor is one of the high points in life.
Rob Kerr / The Bulletin
Little laughter goes a long way
By Alandra Johnson / The Bulletin
Published: October 10. 2008 4:00AM PSTWhen Casey James heard his dad ask him to keep an eye on his little sister, the 5-year-old from Bend got excited. He had an idea for a joke. Casey asked his dad to repeat what he said, but this time Casey closed one eye and pointed his other eye at his little sister to “keep an eye on her.”
The joke cracked Casey’s parents up, so the boy repeated the eye gesture over and over. It was the first time Amy James, Casey’s mom, remembers her son trying to tell a joke. And she loved it.
Humor plays an important role in the James family. James tries to encourages her kids to laugh and have fun together. She recently started hosting dance parties once a day with her kids, where they just let go and have fun.
“If you can laugh at a situation, you can pretty much get through anything,” said James.
Those who study humor have found that it can be a powerful force for good, in particular for children. Humor is associated with intelligence, stress relief, creativity, empathy and problem solving, but it is sometimes ignored or deemed unimportant, according to Louis Franzini, emeritus professor of psychology from San Diego State University and author of “Kids Who Laugh.”
Franzini had long been interested in humor and wanted to find a book about children and humor. While he found parenting books on topics from raising intelligent kids to coping with bullies to imparting moral values, he found nothing on laughter or humor.
Franzini decided to create his own book on the subject because he believes it is so important. He wants to encourage parents to laugh and play with their children. He thinks parents should encourage kids’ sense of humor, just as they might encourage study skills or athletic abilities.
Humor and kids
In the beginning, humor is simple. Up until about 18 months, little ones smile and sometimes giggle, but it’s typically in response to a parent’s smile or laugh, or to a surprise game, like peek-a-boo.
By toddler age, humor moves to slapstick and physical comedy. Kids enjoy things like someone getting hit with a pie in the face or when a parent throws them into the air.
By preschool, children start to laugh at things like silly rhymes or funny sounds. They learn about puns and riddles.
Pretending is another important stage of humor, which helps build children’s creativity and imagination.
Toilet or body humor is pretty typical for children at about ages 4-6, according to Bonnie Harris, New Hampshire-based parent educator and author of “Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids.” Laughing about such things is an “extremely developmental” phase for kids. Harris suggests that unless they are being cruel or joking during an inappropriate time, parents should allow kids to joke about their bodies. Getting frantic about it only makes the topic more intriguing and interesting.
When kids enter school, they may start telling jokes of their own. And then repeating the joke again and again. Bodily functions are also big laugh-getters for this age.
Things like sarcasm and irony are likely to develop as kids enter middle and high school.
Humor can be a catalyst for learning. Nick Friedman, the senior editor for Scholastic Parent & Child based in New York, says kids learn vocabulary and language techniques through humor. Silly stories, rhymes and riddles also build kids’ interest in reading and literacy. The repetition of words in rhymes “helps kids understand how sentences work.”
Heather McNeil, youth services coordinator for the Deschutes Public Library system, thinks humor helps children identify with characters in books (or lets them feel smarter than some characters). During story times for toddler and preschool-age students, humor is guaranteed. McNeil often dons silly hats or uses different techniques to get kids laughing. She will sing “Old MacDonald” and the farmer will have a cow, a chicken, a horse and then McNeil gets kids laughing by suggesting Old MacDonald has a dinosaur.
“The thing about children’s humor that is so delightful is that it’s simple. They laugh with such abandon.”
As children grow, parents can try to encourage their sense of humor based on their developmental stage. Humor is something that children can learn and develop and not something someone is simply born with, like eye color, according to Franzini. His motto is “model it, reward it, don’t punish it.”
Good for families
Humor helps bond family members together, according to Samuel Gladding, professor of counseling at Wake Forest University in North Carolina.
“It makes life fun. It gives children and parents something to look forward to,” said Gladding.
Laughing together as a family is a good sign. Many families who see him for counseling appointments are missing a sense of humor, and as families progress, they begin to laugh more.
“They are able to laugh at themselves versus seeing everything as serious,” said Gladding.
Bend mom Tempra Hickman says laughing together helps make her family closer. Sometimes she finds herself feeling a little too serious, thinking about expectations and trying to be a successful adult. But then her kids, ages 12 and 10, say something funny and she snaps out of it.
“Some little joke completely changes the atmosphere,” said Hickman. “Humor kind of dissipates tension.”
She tries to teach her kids that making mistakes is OK, and laughing at those mistakes makes them seem not so important. Hickman also believes laughter helps keep the lines of communication open between kids and parents.
Hickman’s daughter, Cassie, loves that her family is always joking.
“We tell like a million jokes a day,” said Cassie. She and her older brother, Braedon, will sometimes get mad at each other over something silly, like who got the bigger piece of cake, and then one of them will make a joke and they both start laughing. Soon, they start making fun of the fight itself.
“It holds our family together.”
Lifting hard times
Martha Decker and her sister Maga find laughter and fun make a world of difference while caring for their elderly parents, both of whom have Alzheimer’s. The pair brought their parents to Bend from Brazil about 1½ years ago and for the first four or five months, the seriousness of the situation weighed on the family. Then, during dinner one night, Decker’s mother started laughing for no apparent reason.
“You know, I’d just been praying for mom to be filled with joy,” said Decker.
The joyful sound lifted their mood and from then on Decker and her sister have tried to bring silliness and laughter into their home. While listening to classical music, they might mimic a conductor, but use a piece of chicken as a baton. They painted the front porch bright yellow and try to bring cheerful colors into the house. Decker finds that if one person is in a good mood, it spreads.
“It’s hard to constantly try to drum up cheerfulness and fun,” said Decker. But she works hard to be proactive. “It just helps. Humor helps.”
Tami Gribling, of Redmond, also credits laughter with helping her through her personal illness and disability.
“I think so often as parents, we forget to do the fun stuff,” said Gribling. But laughter and humor help her break away from the stress of it all and enjoy her family. Now with two grown sons and an 11-year-old daughter, Gribling says humor still helps her family stick together. She credits it with helping keep communication open.
“I love to see my kids laugh and be totally free,” said Gribling. “My goal has always been to lighten their load.”
Keeping parents young
Laughing along with kids is a great way for parents to be “in the moment,” according to Harris. Finding humor together helps parents avoid worrying about the future or dwelling on the past.
Harris says many parents get stuck worrying about the future. Humor helps put the stress and worry in perspective. But many parents don’t embrace humor.
“Parents get so afraid of children trying to be funny. They don’t think it’s respectful,” said Harris. Or parents aren’t willing to take the time to be silly and joke with kids, because it isn’t seen as important.
Friedman says kids are drawn to books with silly or humorous themes and parents can have fun reading the books aloud to kids. He still reads books to his 13-year-old son on occasion.
“The more opportunities to laugh and share humor in this world, the better.”
Redmond dad Rick Catty says he and his family “have a ball” laughing together. He has always been something of a goofball, but having kids gave him a completely different perspective. And his three children have kept him entertained with their antics.
“You don’t need a frickin’ TV; they are hilarious with the things they do and the expressions they can get,” said Catty.
Having kids helps James keep her joyful, carefree sense of humor.
“I laugh pretty easily,” said James. “I don’t really feel like I’m an adult most of the time.”
James also sees the power of humor through her job as a Kindermusik teacher. Sometimes she plays a record of kids laughing and suddenly the children in her class start giggling and cracking up for no other reason than to join in with the sounds of laughter. She does a lot of silly antics in her class, donning funny hats and imitating a chicken pecking at the ground or a butterfly swooping around the class. She finds that the sillier she is, the more comfortable parents feel loosening up a bit. Some parents struggle with getting silly, says James. Parents worry about being judged or not doing it right.
“When we laugh, we feel better,” said James. “It lets you relive your childhood a little bit.”
Alandra Johnson can be reached at 541-617-7860 or at ajohnson@bendbulletin.com.
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